The Real Enemy: The Garden Gnome Liberation Army

Is it time to sympathize with the gnomes?

I stand by my earlier post: I do believe the Garden Gnomes are on the attack.

On the other hand, who can blame them?

Put yourself in their place. You are created to celebrate the beauty and industriousness of the garden. You symbolize tiny, invisible creatures that come out at night to help cultivate the prized bulbs and shrubbery.

Then, suddenly, through no fault of your own, you become the target of pranks, commonly known as gnoming. Jokesters think it would be amusing to declare they are returning you “to the wild,” meaning they kidnap you from your lovely suburban home, probably outside London,  and toss you in some dirty, unkempt forested area.

"Liberated" gnomes are actually kidnapped and discarded!

In 2008, a 53-year-old Frenchman was arrested on suspicion of stealing more than 170 gnomes.

You know what? I’d attack us, too!!!

These terrorists are real, yo! Google France’s “Front de Liberation des Nains de Jardins” and Italy’s MALAG (“Garden Gnome Liberation Front”). There is even a “traveling gnome prank” where thieves send gnomes on trips around the world, which Travelocity’s braintrust thought would be a “fun” focus for an advertising campaign theme.

Can you imagine the personal indignity felt by a poor little guy who some scholars believe is the descendant of the fertility god, Priapus (best known for his large, permanent erection)? Not only are they being whisked away from the family and dirt that they know and love, but they have been targeted in the U.K. by serious gardening circles and been banned from the prestigious Chelsea Flower Show because they “detract”’ from the garden designs.

I will never advocate violence, but is it any surprise that these little men are hoarding sharp gardening tools and turning on humans?

You may not agree with the Gnomes. You may not approve of the people who insist in putting Gnomes in their yards and considering it “décor.”  But people are free to love and display their gnomes as they see fit. Free the gnomes!

Free to live in your yard OR to hit the road!

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